So now its Thursday April 8th and I still haven't finished my taxes yet (which is actually read started my taxes yet). As most of you know by now, I quit my job at the end of February with the hope of trying something else. To date I have attempted to purchase some investment real estate, so far with no success other than to say I have 2 open offers currently being considered by banks. You may also know that I intend to travel this summer with my 7 year old son Jack from about mid June through early August. I plan to cover the entire outer ring of the continental United States in a counter-clockwise fashion, of course starting in Mn and ending here as well. Long thoughts of car travel have strengthened my decision to purchase an RV for our journey, as Jack, Indy the black lab and I in my pickup truck for 9k miles just seemed like a bad idea. This way Jack can use the bathroom at any time during our travel, as well as make me a sandwich while cruising down the highway. Pretty much everyone I tell of my plan agrees that this would be the trip of a lifetime. Being able to spend a couple months traveling the country, learning about other places, people and somewhat various cultures within the US with my son does seem like a gift.
SO... I was standing at the island in my kitchen the other day. I was at home alone, Jack was at school and I happened to notice a bunch of pictures that have been sitting on the island for about 3 months now. Coincidentally Michelle's funeral pics were placed there about that long ago (you see I haven't actually been able to put them away yet). I then remembered that my cousins asked for a picture of Michelle which they want to use to make buttons to wear during a walk for the cure event. So I started to look through the pictures to find a couple suitable photos for just such a purpose.
The following writing will purely be my opinion, not judgement to be cast.
As I looked at the photos, many of which I was taking, I realized how narrow focused most of our lives are. I also noticed that she was way out of my league and how beautiful she really was. My wife, Michelle worked her ass off, and she loved her job and excelled at it. I would never take that away from her. She spent countless hours working on her laptop from our bed because she was either too run down from her treatment to go into the office, or just too sick to get out of bed, but the job always had to be done. When Michelle was alive, I would have never had the courage to say we are going to buy an RV and take 2 months off and travel as a family, and boy do I wish I would have. For one thing, she would have said I was nuts, and she couldn't take that much time off. So everyone reading this, please repeat after me. How much time do I know I have left? I know that we all have to make a living to survive, put food in the cupboard, gas in the car. I get that. But remember, when you are looking at the photos on your island, where do you want to be in those photos. Do....... Go....... Live. Because no one knows for sure how much time they have left. You don't have to leave for 2 months to make memories that will last a lifetime, you just have to live a little and remember to take pictures while you're there. So that's about all for tonight.
I should also mention this was somewhat inspired by my Aunt Mona, who is currently battling critical health issues of her own. Please say a prayer for her and God willing she will be ok.
Have a good night.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Just another Wednesday
Three weeks ago, I wasn't even sure what the hell a blog was from the creators standpoint, other than I have read some postings in the past created by friends of mine. For that matter, I certainly didn't see the value for me in blogging, as it were. So I started this blog about 10 days ago in hopes of being able to clear my head on a regular basis. Some of the things I might post here are certainly not for the younger readers, and some are certainly going to cause me conflict with particular parties in my life(you'll know who you are at the time), but in order for this means of therapy to work for me, so I must go.
Please be aware, if it comes to mind, I may very well type it, and feel free to comment. However, please also keep in mind that I am not looking for any answers. Most of my questions have already been asked and answered, now its just time for me to tell the stories.
Tonight the thought of addictions are on my mind, likely caused by the crazy tv show I have been watching, and there have been some battles fought there. Many people in my life dealing with one problem or another. Anxiety over what to do next, or what has been done and how it will all turn out. Looking back, right now, I wonder if this paragraph will even make sense to 98% of the people who read it, likely not. So I poured myself a drink and would love to be smoking a cigar as I write this.
I wrote all of the above several weeks ago, saved as a draft to finish later and just came back to it tonight. I think I will post it just as it is without adding any more text, except to note that my dog is snoring at my feet right now and it sounds just like my dad did. Weird.
Please be aware, if it comes to mind, I may very well type it, and feel free to comment. However, please also keep in mind that I am not looking for any answers. Most of my questions have already been asked and answered, now its just time for me to tell the stories.
Tonight the thought of addictions are on my mind, likely caused by the crazy tv show I have been watching, and there have been some battles fought there. Many people in my life dealing with one problem or another. Anxiety over what to do next, or what has been done and how it will all turn out. Looking back, right now, I wonder if this paragraph will even make sense to 98% of the people who read it, likely not. So I poured myself a drink and would love to be smoking a cigar as I write this.
I wrote all of the above several weeks ago, saved as a draft to finish later and just came back to it tonight. I think I will post it just as it is without adding any more text, except to note that my dog is snoring at my feet right now and it sounds just like my dad did. Weird.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Its been two weeks now
Well I'm back to share some more with anyone who cares to read what I have to type. I will start by saying thank you to my friends and family for everything you have all done for me over the last few years. Tonight is going to be very random, to the point of being difficult to follow at times, but its just what I happen to be thinking lately, and it comes out in that manner.
Most of you know that I have recently decided to take some time away from the corporate working world to spend time with Jack and to rethink my priorities. I always thought about early retirement, but this is ridiculous. Its been two full weeks since my last day with Ameriprise. I can honestly say I miss a lot of my co-workers (Mr. Mahoney excluded) and possibly the job itself sometimes, but there is no regret in taking this time off even in the slightest.
So I have been thinking about all that I have been given, some of which I will list here tonight. I was adopted when I was around 6 weeks old by possibly the best parents anyone could ever imagine. For those that knew my mother, she was a very strong willed person and had a way all her own. I'm certain I have some traits for which she is responsible (please don't touch the walls), but I don't think I am capable of being even a fraction as strong as she was. In the very least, she had some very memorable characteristics, beliefs, opinions and held to them throughout my lifetime. My father was a truly a gift and a balance to my mom. He was the quieter type with a manner of reason about him. From my earliest memory, until the day I stood at his bedside when he passed, I don't think I can ever remember my father ever raising a hand or even his voice to me in anger. Yet he knew how to get his message across just fine. I can only hope to ever be as good a father to Jack as he was to me; he set the bar pretty high in my mind. My parents were both very hard workers and diligent savers and investors. If there is anything that I can clearly point to and attribute to them, it would be my interest in financial and real estate investments and how to look to the future and prepare.
So when I married Michelle, she too was very much so a planner and liked to be sure to be prepared for whatever life had to throw at us. She was a very detailed person, maybe sometimes a little too detailed in my mind, but it certainly worked for her. I think it was that particular characteristic which allowed her to excel in her career and advance as she did in such a short while. She always spoke of her goal to be a corporate executive, or board member, both of which I have no doubt were not far off in the future had things not turned out as they did. I think her only regret was that she entered the Financial Service industry at what she thought was late at almost 30 years old. She always told me that had she gotten into it earlier, she could have achieved the title she wanted by 40, a fact I believe to be true. In any case, she excelled in her career and as a mother. Its very much so because of her cautious planning that I can now take the time I want to spend with Jack and to reorganize our lives.
With that all being said. I realized these past few weeks, that although I have had much tragedy in my life these past few years, I also have been presented with many opportunities to give back. I hope to do just that, and more on that is to come later.
I look forward to posting here a few times a week, so check back often and feel free to comment as often as you like. Have a nice night.
Most of you know that I have recently decided to take some time away from the corporate working world to spend time with Jack and to rethink my priorities. I always thought about early retirement, but this is ridiculous. Its been two full weeks since my last day with Ameriprise. I can honestly say I miss a lot of my co-workers (Mr. Mahoney excluded) and possibly the job itself sometimes, but there is no regret in taking this time off even in the slightest.
So I have been thinking about all that I have been given, some of which I will list here tonight. I was adopted when I was around 6 weeks old by possibly the best parents anyone could ever imagine. For those that knew my mother, she was a very strong willed person and had a way all her own. I'm certain I have some traits for which she is responsible (please don't touch the walls), but I don't think I am capable of being even a fraction as strong as she was. In the very least, she had some very memorable characteristics, beliefs, opinions and held to them throughout my lifetime. My father was a truly a gift and a balance to my mom. He was the quieter type with a manner of reason about him. From my earliest memory, until the day I stood at his bedside when he passed, I don't think I can ever remember my father ever raising a hand or even his voice to me in anger. Yet he knew how to get his message across just fine. I can only hope to ever be as good a father to Jack as he was to me; he set the bar pretty high in my mind. My parents were both very hard workers and diligent savers and investors. If there is anything that I can clearly point to and attribute to them, it would be my interest in financial and real estate investments and how to look to the future and prepare.
So when I married Michelle, she too was very much so a planner and liked to be sure to be prepared for whatever life had to throw at us. She was a very detailed person, maybe sometimes a little too detailed in my mind, but it certainly worked for her. I think it was that particular characteristic which allowed her to excel in her career and advance as she did in such a short while. She always spoke of her goal to be a corporate executive, or board member, both of which I have no doubt were not far off in the future had things not turned out as they did. I think her only regret was that she entered the Financial Service industry at what she thought was late at almost 30 years old. She always told me that had she gotten into it earlier, she could have achieved the title she wanted by 40, a fact I believe to be true. In any case, she excelled in her career and as a mother. Its very much so because of her cautious planning that I can now take the time I want to spend with Jack and to reorganize our lives.
With that all being said. I realized these past few weeks, that although I have had much tragedy in my life these past few years, I also have been presented with many opportunities to give back. I hope to do just that, and more on that is to come later.
I look forward to posting here a few times a week, so check back often and feel free to comment as often as you like. Have a nice night.
Monday, March 8, 2010
My first post
So this is my opening post. I am writing it while watching tv, so don't expect too much from me right out of the gate. Ok, so I turned off the tv but put on some music. My name is John.
Today, as you all know by the calendar on your computer and the timestamp on this blog, is Monday, March 8th, or at least when I started writing this post it was. What you may not know is that my wife Michelle passed away 62 days ago after battling cancer for 929 courageous days. He death left me a widower at the age of 38, and it also left me a single parent to our only son, Jack, who is 7 years old. My ramblings today will be focused around that life changing event and how it has affected our lives.
So this evening I was reading postings on her facebook page that people had left days before her death as well as shortly after her death. Some of the posts were by people I knew, some were not. All of them were a reminder to me who Michelle was. I miss her and so I cried. Some for her, some for our son, some for me and I felt better. Of course not a day goes by that I don't think about her and how things are so much different without her around and how much of an impact her absence is having on Jack. It scares me to think about being a single father. Although I do have to say that it would scare me so much more if I had a daughter, so thank God for that. So now it is officially Tuesday March 9th, at least in my timezone and its time for me to wrap up this post for the night. So until next time, have a good night.
Today, as you all know by the calendar on your computer and the timestamp on this blog, is Monday, March 8th, or at least when I started writing this post it was. What you may not know is that my wife Michelle passed away 62 days ago after battling cancer for 929 courageous days. He death left me a widower at the age of 38, and it also left me a single parent to our only son, Jack, who is 7 years old. My ramblings today will be focused around that life changing event and how it has affected our lives.
So this evening I was reading postings on her facebook page that people had left days before her death as well as shortly after her death. Some of the posts were by people I knew, some were not. All of them were a reminder to me who Michelle was. I miss her and so I cried. Some for her, some for our son, some for me and I felt better. Of course not a day goes by that I don't think about her and how things are so much different without her around and how much of an impact her absence is having on Jack. It scares me to think about being a single father. Although I do have to say that it would scare me so much more if I had a daughter, so thank God for that. So now it is officially Tuesday March 9th, at least in my timezone and its time for me to wrap up this post for the night. So until next time, have a good night.
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